It Must Be Retrograde…The Song About Blaming The Universe For Life's Chaos And Laughing Anyway!

Some weeks, the universe just has it out for you.

You know the weeks I'm talking about. The ones where your laptop dies in the middle of a Zoom presentation. Where a bird poops on your sandwich the one time you decide to eat outside. Where you miss a doctor's appointment because you entered 12:00 AM instead of 12:00 PM. Where you're already late for work and you find a flat tire. Where you finally go out for drinks after a long week and your ex is there, having dinner with someone who looks like a younger, fresher version of you.

These things don't happen one at a time. They happen in clusters, in waves, in a cascade of cosmic absurdity that makes you wonder if someone up there is having a laugh at your expense.

I know those weeks. I've lived them. More than once.

The Cosmic Scapegoat

I needed something to blame.

Not in a serious way. In the way that makes you laugh instead of cry. In the way that turns a flat tire from a disaster into a story. In the way that lets you look at your ex across a restaurant and think, of course, instead of why me.

Mercury retrograde became that thing.

I'm not an astrologer. I don't know if the planet's orbit actually affects my laptop battery or my calendar skills or the migratory patterns of vengeful birds. But I know that blaming Mercury is a lot more fun than blaming myself.

So that's what I do. When the chaos descends and everything goes wrong in ways that feel personal and absurd, I shrug. I laugh. I say, it must be retrograde.

The Real Lesson

This song isn't really about astrology. It's about learning to laugh at the chaos.

Because here's the thing: life is going to be messy. Plans will fall apart. Technology will fail. Birds will have terrible aim. And if you take all of it personally, if you let every small disaster chip away at you, you'll spend your life exhausted and angry.

But if you can find the humor in it? If you can shrug and laugh and blame Mercury and keep moving? That's resilience. That's grace. That's the ability to hold the mess of life lightly, without letting it crush you.

I wrote "It Must Be Retrograde" as a reminder to myself. A reminder that turbulent skies don't last forever. That bumpy roads smooth out. That the chaos passes, and when it does, you get to decide whether you spent it crying or laughing.

I'm choosing laughing. Most days, anyway.

For the Ones in the Middle of Chaos

If you're reading this and you're in the middle of one of those weeks—the kind where everything is going wrong and you're starting to wonder if you're cursed—I want you to hear this.

It's not you. It's the universe. Or Mercury. Or just the absurd randomness of being alive. It's not a reflection of your worth. It's not a punishment. It's just life being life, which is to say, sometimes it's ridiculous.

So take a breath. Laugh, if you can. Blame the retrograde. Order another drink. Call a friend and tell them about the bird that ruined your sandwich. Let yourself find the humor in the chaos.

Because this too shall pass. It always does. And when it's over, you'll have a story. Maybe even a song.