From the recordings Afterthought to Afterglow and The Mirror Now
"The Mirror Now" is the most difficult and most healing song I've ever written. It's about my mother—a woman who was hard on me in ways that left scars I didn't understand for years. Growing up, I felt her coldness like a constant ache. I knew I wasn't the favorite. I felt small, unseen, and convinced she hated me. But time has a way of reframing memory. As I grew older, I began to see her differently—to understand that her hardness wasn't about me at all. She saw herself in me, and that terrified her. The world had been cruel to her, and she was trying, in her broken way, to prepare me for that same cruelty. She was building armor on me the only way she knew how. Now, as she ages and her roar softens, I look in the mirror and see her looking back. This song is my forgiveness—not just for her, but for the girl I used to be who carried that pain. It's the realization that the woman who made me feel small also made me strong. And that loving her, finally understanding her, is how I've come to love myself.
Lyrics
I remember the sting of a careless word
The quietest prayer, going unheard
Measuring myself by your cold, sharp glance
Thinking I never stood a chance
I built up walls, I learned to hide
With a hollow, aching space inside
Convinced the fault was mine to own
A seed of love you never sowed.
But time has a way of softening the view
And shedding a light on what was true
I was a reflection you were afraid to see
A younger version of the pain in you
And all the hardness that you sent my way
Was the very stone on which I learned to stand today.
The world is harsh, you knew it well
You had your own untold, hard shell
You weren't raising a child to be soft and sweet
But a warrior, ready for defeat
You taught me how to take the blow
A strength you never thought you'd know
You were building armor, skin so tough
Because you knew the world would be rough.
And time has a way of softening the view
And shedding a light on what was true
I was a reflection you were afraid to see
A younger version of the pain in you
And all the hardness that you sent my way
Was the very stone on which I learned to stand today.
Now your roar is a whisper, your memories fade
A different kind of price is being paid
And as I hold your hand, I feel no spite
Just the turning of the dark into the light
The lessons learned, the debt is paid
In the peacefulness we've finally made.
And when I look in the mirror, it's your eyes I see
The resilience, the fire, the history
The strength you forged, the will you gave
Rising from the love I thought I craved.
I see you in me.
Yeah, I see you in me.
And I finally understand.
Thank you, Mom.